


take this passion, turn it into action

by asael



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Anal Sex, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, M/M, pynchweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 03:21:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11705742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asael/pseuds/asael
Summary: Pynchweek day 7: first time.They've done a lot of things, but they haven't done this. Not yet. Ronan just isn't sure how to bring it up.





	take this passion, turn it into action

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this entirely yesterday, and it was a very hot day and I was a little hungover, so I hope it's fun to read anyway! The title is from 'Stop Desire' by Tegan and Sara. This is my last fic for Pynchweek 2017, it's been a blast!

They haven’t talked about it, not really. It’s enough to be close, it’s enough to kiss and touch each other, and for all that they’re completely wrapped up in each other, they’re teenage boys. Ronan isn’t sure how to even start.

How is he supposed to put it in words, his desire for Adam? Are they supposed to sit down, talk about it in clinical and careful terms? ‘I’d like to take our relationship to the next level. What are your feelings on that?’ Ronan can’t even imagine how awkward saying something like that would be.

It’s worked fine so far. They don’t need to ask when it comes to what they’ve already done - they don’t need negotiations and careful phrasing. Adam’s hunger to touch and be touched is clear as day, from the way he responds to Ronan’s kisses with an unexpected fire to the way he relaxes under Ronan’s touch, a careful palm against his back or a brush of shoulders. 

Kissing is achingly easy. Ronan can lose himself for what feels like hours in Adam’s lips, stretched out on his lumpy mattress or in the BMW or behind a shed at the Barns. Adam kisses like he’s drowning and Ronan is the only thing that can keep him afloat, or maybe Ronan kisses like that and Adam is responding the only way he knows how. Ronan can’t tell, it’s too easy to get lost in Adam, the brush of teeth against his lower lip and the soft, pleased sounds he makes.

They have perfected the art of kissing, or so Ronan likes to think. Nothing and no one in the world could do it better. (Logically, he knows that isn’t true, but he has no interest in testing that. It’s perfect.)

When they have gone further, it’s been with quiet, wordless communication. Adam’s slim hand unbuttoning Ronan’s jeans and sliding inside. Ronan pressing his thigh between Adam’s legs. Adam, providing Ronan with the most intense few moments of his young life by kneeling down and taking Ronan’s cock into his mouth.

But they didn’t really have to talk about any of those things. Silent communication was enough - looks, touch, at most a soft ‘okay?’ before going further. Ronan likes to think he can read Adam well, and he knows by now that Adam can read him like a book, can interpret his expressions with ease. So far, this has been enough.

And it _is_ enough. If this was all they ever did, Ronan would die happy. If the only sexual experiences he ever has are Adam jerking him off with those perfect hands, Adam blowing him, Ronan doing everything he can to return the favor - well, Ronan’s pretty sure that’s a kind of paradise. He would be happy, he is happy.

But he wants more, because of course he does, because he wants every tiny piece of Adam that he can get. He’s greedy, or maybe selfish, or maybe both, because he wants all his firsts to be with Adam and he wants to have all of Adam’s in return. He’s watched porn (maybe too much porn), he knows how it’s supposed to work, but he also know that it isn’t something that they can make their way through without words. Not the first time, anyway.

He just doesn’t know how to say it.

“Hey Parrish, we’ve been dating or whatever for awhile, you think I could fuck you? Or you could fuck me. Either way.”

“Hey Parrish, I really want to bone you.”

“Hey Parrish, check out this porno. The mechanic in it, the one who’s getting bent over the hood of the car, kind of looks like you. Wanna give it a try?”

None of these approaches seem ideal.

It’s not that he thinks Adam will say no - and it’s not that it would bother him if Adam did. Ronan is really fucking happy with everything they’ve done, everything they’ve shared. It’s just that, well, he sucks at words. He always has. And something like this requires them, at least to get started. He needs to know Adam wants to do this, he needs to ask what he wants. It has to be more than an exchanged look of desire as Ronan kisses his way down Adam’s abdomen, making sure it’s all right before he sucks him off.

He just has no idea what to say.

In the end, Adam takes the problem out of his hands. If Ronan had been thinking a little more clearly, he’d have known this would happen eventually. Adam’s much better at this kind of thing. Not talking - though he is better at that, both of them can be social disasters sometimes - but taking a problem apart, figuring it out, finding a solution.

They’re at St. Agnes, in Adam’s tiny apartment. They’re kissing, and Ronan has his hand under Adam’s shirt. His other hand slides down, between Adam’s thighs, brushing over the hardness in his jeans. Adam’s quick indrawn breath only spurs Ronan on, and he’s starting to unbutton Adam’s jeans when Adam stops him with one hand on his.

“Wait,” Adam says, and of course Ronan does. He looks up at Adam, waiting, not sure whether this is a ‘stop, I forgot I have a shift in fifteen minutes’ or a ‘I want to get you off first’. Either is equally possible, when it comes to the mystery that is Adam Parrish.

Adam bites his lip. He can’t quite meet Ronan’s eyes for a moment, nervous or maybe just finding his words. Then he steadies, and when he speaks he doesn’t sound uncertain at all.

“I want you to fuck me.”

It’s quite possibly the hottest thing Ronan has ever heard.

“Yeah?” He grins, a sharp and feral thing. “You like my dick that much, huh?”

“Shut up, Lynch,” Adam says, his mouth twisting into a smile. “I could change my mind at any moment if you decide to be an asshole about it.”

Ronan leans in, covers Adam’s mouth with his own, then presses a kiss to his jaw. His voice is softer when he speaks again. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” Adam says, “but we don’t have to.”

Ronan feels that knot of desire and affection in his stomach, the one he always feels when Adam is particularly thoughtful. This is new territory for them, and he thinks Adam is nervous, and he knows he is. It doesn’t have to be a big deal - they’ve done so many other things already - but it feels like one. He’s worried about maybe hurting Adam, or just being really bad at this, or both of them realizing they don’t like it.

But even if that happens, it should be okay. This isn’t the be-all end-all of sex, it’s only something new, something they haven’t tried yet. If Adam never wants to do it again (Ronan cannot imagine never wanting to do it again) that would be okay.

“I want to,” Ronan says, and he kisses Adam again, a hungry and wanting thing. When he comes up for air, Adam tugs his shirt off and shucks his jeans before helping Ronan with his, until they’re both bare in front of each other.

It’s not the first time, but Ronan always feels like he needs to take a moment to appreciate what he has. Adam is all tan skin and freckles, bones and slim muscles and elegant hands. He has scars here and there, tiny blemishes, but Ronan thinks the imperfections only make him more beautiful. 

He maps the curves and angles of Adam’s body, the edge of his hipbone, the soft skin of his inner thighs. He kisses Adam’s fingers, kisses his palms, and Adam leans into him and traces the dark lines of the tattoo on his shoulders, trails fingers down his sides.

The heat, the desire builds in Ronan. He can see it in Adam too, the hunger in his eyes, his stiffening cock. Ronan reaches to wrap a hand around him, but Adam stops him.

“Not yet,” Adam says, and it’s not that Ronan _forgot_ , it’s just that it’s far too easy to get caught up in Adam. He’s nervous suddenly, but tries to hide it.

“Don’t we need-”

Adam grins, a clever little twist of his lips that Ronan loves to see. “You didn’t think I planned ahead?”

He pulls away just far enough to retrieve something from a paper bag left on the milk crate that serves as a nightstand. A tube of lubricant and a condom. It’s Adam, Ronan thinks, of course he considered everything - of course he made sure he had everything they would need.

And that’s weirdly hot to think about. Adam, alone, thinking about this - _planning_ for it. Deciding what he wanted and when he wanted it, and then going out and getting what they’d need. Making the decision, taking action. All while Ronan was only thinking about _wanting_ , unable to get past that to more concrete plans.

That’s Adam Parrish. That’s part of what Ronan loves about him. He’s too stuck in his head sometimes, but he’s always been the one they’ve turned to for plans, for refining thought and desire into action. Of course it would be like that now.

It’s hot.

Ronan takes them from Adam, feeling the reality of the moment, and - he’s not nervous anymore. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, exactly, but he knows how it’s supposed to go. He’s worried about hurting Adam, but he knows he can’t voice that, because Adam feels very strongly about being treated like something delicate. He’s said so before, when Ronan’s kisses were too careful, when he shoved Adam back against a wall to get a better angle and then paused out of concern.

Adam trusts him. With this, and with so many other things. It’s frightening sometimes, considering everything Adam has been through, but Ronan has no intention of ever letting him down. Other times, it’s just flattering.

“Tell me if I go too fast,” he says, though it’s probably unnecessary. Adam knows his own mind, he’s never had a problem speaking up. Not with Ronan, anyway.

Adam settles back against his bed, slipping the thin pillow under his back in a way that lifts his hips. Ronan hasn’t really thought about the details - positioning, things like that - except in a few fantasies, and he’s amused again to think of Adam researching this. Because of course Adam did.

Ronan moves between Adam’s legs, pressing his thighs apart. It feels strange, doing this, but Ronan is glad that he can at least see Adam’s face. He needs to know - he’s not sure. Everything. He just needs to know Adam is enjoying whatever they do.

“Start slow,” Adam says, and it feels less like a caution and more like Adam is saying _get on with it, already_. Maybe it’s the arch of his brows when he speaks. The muscles of his thighs, where Ronan’s hands sit, are a little tense, and Ronan lets his fingers run along the smooth skin there, relaxing him. Ronan is still hard, they both are, but he knows he has to take his time - as difficult as that might be. He wants everything.

Ronan squeezes some of the lube onto his hand. He feels, for a moment, incredibly out of his depth. Porn is not a fantastic education, all things considered, and god does he want this to be good for them. But Adam wants this, _he_ wants this. That was never in doubt.

He presses one slick finger to Adam’s hole, pushing inside slowly, his eyes on Adam’s face alert for any sign of discomfort. But there’s only a quick flutter of Adam’s lashes as he takes a breath and adjusts to the sensation. Adam is tight around Ronan’s finger, and he takes his time, adding more lube before pressing another finger in. 

This time, Adam tenses a little. Ronan isn’t going to stop - he knows Adam doesn’t want him to - but he wraps his free hand around Adam’s cock, stroking and pulling, making Adam moan until he’s forgotten whatever discomfort he felt. He loves watching this, the look on Adam’s face, the way he loses himself in Ronan’s touch. He wonders what it’ll look like when he’s inside Adam - what it’ll feel like.

He doesn’t want it to be over too soon, so he stops touching Adam, focuses instead on stretching him, moving his fingers in and out, making sure he’s slick and relaxed. Then Ronan hits something, something that makes Adam’s back arch and draws a moan from his lips. This is what Ronan loves best, getting a reaction like that from Adam who is usually so careful, so cautious. He loves it when Adam drops his defenses and lets go of himself and gets lost in the pleasure of it.

He grins and crooks his finger, brushing that spot again and watching Adam, listening to his choked-off gasp. Briefly, Ronan thinks about doing just this. He thinks he could probably get Adam off like this, with just his hand, and wouldn’t that be fucking incredible?

But right now, he wants more. He sets that aside, a thought for the future, and presses a third finger into Adam. He’s tight still, Ronan can tell that this isn’t entirely comfortable for him, but he can also tell that Adam is enjoying it.

“Come on,” Adam says. He’s a little breathless, his fingers gripping the sheets and his eyes on Ronan. “Fuck, I want you.”

Ronan loves it when Adam swears. He loves it more when Adam says shit like that. It feeds his ego, feeds his wonder when he thinks about where he is, who he’s with. _Adam Parrish wants me._ They’ve lived miraculous lives, but that might be the most impossible miracle yet.

He slips his fingers out of Adam, tears the condom wrapper open. Ronan’s so hard that he just has to pray he doesn’t come too soon - that would be embarrassing. Just watching Adam can do this to him, get him to this point, and he can’t even pretend otherwise. It’s fucking hot, knowing the gasps are his doing, the pleasant tension in Adam’s body is because of his hands. That Adam’s dick is hard because of him.

Once the condom is on, Ronan slicks himself up with the lube. He hooks an arm under one of Adam’s knees, spreading him wider so that Ronan can move close. He meets Adam’s eyes then, sees the hunger in them. And maybe there’s some nervousness there too, just like Ronan has felt, but there’s no uncertainty. This might be the first time either of them has done this, but neither would want to be doing it with anyone else.

He pushes into Adam. Slow, so slow, careful not to go too fast, and that’s for Adam’s comfort and his own - Ronan knows if he goes any faster he won’t last long. It’s too good, Adam is so fucking hot and tight, and Ronan _wants_ to just thrust into him, wants to feel more of that, but he takes his time. He can feel the tension in Adam’s limbs again, so once he’s in he stops, lets Adam adjust to him.

“Okay?” he says, and ignores the roughness in his own voice, the breathlessness. After a moment, he can feel Adam beginning to relax.

“Yeah,” Adam says, and then he moves his hips, taking Ronan deeper into him. It’s totally unexpected, and Ronan swears low under his breath, catching the quick flash of Adam’s pleased smile. 

Then he starts moving, slow still, adjusting his speed as he feels Adam against him. It’s so good, it’s so fucking good, better than he imagined. Ronan could do this forever - wants to - but realistically he knows he won’t last long. It’s too intense, Adam around him and under him, the slick slide of his cock and the soft sounds every movement draws out of both of them.

It’s almost impossible to think of anything while he’s moving in Adam, impossible to focus on anything but the heat building between them, but he tries to move just right, he tries to hit that spot that makes Adam cry out. He manages, not every time but sometimes, and that’s enough - more than enough - he can see Adam’s sweat-slick skin, watch his fingers clutch at the sheets, his back arch.

Ronan fumbles a little, clumsy, but gets his hand around Adam’s cock. He had softened a little while they were preparing, but he’s hard now, and Ronan wants to see him come. He wants to bring Adam off while Ronan is still buried inside him, a greedy and eager impulse to have every piece of him.

He fucks Adam faster, harder, stroking him as he moves, until they’re both so lost in pleasure that Ronan can barely think, and then he hits that spot inside Adam one more time and Adam shudders and cries out, his whole body tensing as he comes. His head is thrown back, his slender neck vulnerable and bare except for one deep red love bite Ronan left earlier that evening, and he’s so fucking gorgeous Ronan can’t handle it.

He _can’t_ handle it. Adam is so tight around him, filling all of his senses, all Ronan can do is thrust into him once, twice, and then he’s coming too. It strikes him like a bolt of lightning, crackling up his spine, intense and overwhelming. He thinks he might cry out too, but who fucking knows.

Breathing hard, Ronan is only just able to slip out of Adam before collapsing on the bed next to him. It’s a strange feeling, the loss of Adam around him, but he listens to Adam slowly catching his breath and tries to get his own thoughts in order. It’s basically impossible, after that, and the one thought Ronan keeps having is _I just took Adam Parrish’s virginity._

It’s actually a pretty ridiculous thought. They’ve gotten each other off plenty of times before, there’s no reason this particular time marks anything special except doing something new, but - but it kind of _does_ , at least in Ronan’s mind, and maybe that’s because of religion or social indoctrination or something else, something that’s made him think penetration is a big deal. Who knows. It doesn’t matter, not really, except that it does. Except that he loves Adam, he’s loved Adam for way too fucking long, and if he took Adam’s virginity that means he gave Adam his as well.

Which is nice.

When Ronan can move again, he turns on his side and reaches out, brushing a sweaty piece of hair out of Adam’s face. Adam looks dazed still, blissful, content. He smiles at Ronan, and Ronan is very conscious of his heart beating in his chest.

“That felt good,” Adam says, and Ronan grins, sharp.

“Yeah, I could tell by the way you were moaning.” His voice is still throaty and breathless, not quite reaching the mocking tones he would usually try for. “Oh Ronan, Ronan!”

Adam elbows him, not very hard. “Shut up. I was not.” He sounds too happy to be annoyed, and his smile doesn’t dim. “I just mean, I liked it.”

“Yeah,” Ronan says, finding it very difficult to tease in the face of that smile. He can’t be anything but honest, anyway. He tugs Adam closer and kisses him, a long lazy kiss, a quiet piece of perfection.

After, they clean up. Adam winces when he moves, just once, and Ronan feels a twinge of worry. Maybe he went too fast, got a little too rough - but then Adam catches his glance and rolls his eyes. “I should’ve dated a guy with a smaller dick.”

Ronan laughs, a sharp bark as he falls back on the bed, pulling Adam down to lay next to him. “Yeah, really should’ve thought that one through,” Ronan says, winding an arm around Adam’s waist and kissing his shoulder. He thinks about doing this again, this and so much more. He thinks about everything they’ve shared with each other, with each other and no one else. He thinks about how fucking lucky he is to be alive and in Adam’s bed. They’ve lost so much - both of them - but they have this, now.

Adam settles in next to him, his body relaxing against Ronan’s. Ronan’s limbs are heavy, his thoughts easy, and he thinks he’ll be able to sleep if Adam is next to him. He thinks that all he’ll dream of are beautiful things.

Adam kisses him. Ronan sleeps.


End file.
